I haven't written anything since I have arrived in Finland. I have had so many thoughts and feelings that it is hard to put into words. In fact, I notice I have a lot of issues writing thoughts and feelings or even explaining them in verbal form.  It is quite massive to have such a dream stand before you. You can get everything you want and be so blown away by it that you are left speechless. For me it wasn't only one dream, but two. When I first arrived in March the snow was still on the ground, ice covered some sidewalks. There was a certain comfort and purity that surrounded when I arrived and the snow was falling. It was the beginning of restarting everything all over again, just as I had wanted. I was thankful to have been able to have this chance, not many people get the chance to start over again. Literally all over again. It's like being re-born. You have to learn how to speak the language again, how to write in the language again. As enlightening as it is, there have been times I feel like I am taking on a lot. It doesn't stress me out. I know everything will work out with time, as it always has. I didn't know I'd end up married, for instance. Who wouldn't want to marry the person they've thought about for over two years and allowed them to start a new life? I can't even put into words what kind of love that is. It's too much for me to even explain, but real, none the less. Rather than just words. I feel like I've only been given *just* words in the past, but that doesn't matter anymore.  I don't think anything really hit me about being here, emotionally, until I went to Helsinki alone. I had to go there to go to the US embassy to get my paperwork to clarify I wasn't married in the states. I sat in  Senate Square and walked along the shore. I thought silently to myself. "Wow, I am actually here. I actually am in Finland, a dream I have had forever. I kept my promise to myself and struggled endlessly to make it happen," All I have to say is it has been a long road, and I am happy to be where I am, with the person I am with. I still have such a long way to go, but for once... I feel like I can focus on the present because I don't have this nagging feeling to go ''home''...